


It's so hard

by thesongofdarkness



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, One Shot, POV Dean Winchester, Pre-Stanford, Season/Series 01, Stanford Era, Unrequited Love, thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-23
Updated: 2015-06-23
Packaged: 2018-04-05 21:01:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4194738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesongofdarkness/pseuds/thesongofdarkness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written as what went thru Dean's head before Sam went to Stanford. Written both as Dean's thoughts to Sam and what he thought about the fact that Sam was leaving.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's so hard

It's so hard to understand.  
It's so hard to not get it.  
It's so hard to just stand there and watch as you change.  
It's so hard to just stand there and watch as you choose your own way.  
It’s so hard to stand here and watch as you choose a path away from mine.  
It's so hard to just stand there and realize that you've got to let him go.  
It's so hard to understand that you want something different.  
It's so hard to understand that I wasn't enough.  
It's so hard to understand that in the end it will be better for him.  
It's so hard to understand that he will be safe.  
It’s so hard to understand that he will be safe, even away from you.  
It’s so hard to realize that you can’t save him, not anymore.  
It’s so hard to understand that you can’t go with him.  
It’s so hard to understand that you can’t keep him from harm’s way.  
It’s so hard to understand that you can’t protect him, not anymore, not where he is going.  
It’s so hard to understand that you can’t watch out from him, not there, not where he is heading.  
It’s so hard to understand that I will have to let you out of my sight. That I will have to let you go.  
It's so hard to understand that you will soon leave me, and that every day, could soon be our last.  
It's so hard to understand that my love wasn't enough, that you will soon leave, even after everything is said and done.  
It's so hard to understand that I wasn't the one for you, that I wasn’t the right one, that I wasn’t the one you wanted.  
It's so hard to pretend that everything is fine. That my heart isn’t breaking and that my smile is real.  
It's so hard to pretend that you are happy for him. That you want him to leave. That you want him to get a way out.  
It’s so hard to pretend that it doesn’t feel like you are losing a part of yourself.  
It's so hard to pretend that you aren't already missing him.  
It's so hard to stop wishing for the past.  
It's so hard to stop fearing the future.  
It's so hard to stop looking for you by my side.  
It's so hard to stop talking to the space where you used to be.  
It's so hard to try and be brave.  
It’s so hard to try to hide it, behind a fake smile and dozen bottles.  
It’s so hard to watch you grow up.  
It’s so hard to understand that you already grew up.  
It’s so hard.  
It's so hard to understand.  
It's so hard to try.  
It's so hard to stand there and realize that you gave up the only good thing in your life.  
It's so hard to watch you leave.  
it's so hard.  
It's so... so hard.


End file.
